Wednesday, February 24, 2010

"IT'S ALIVE!!!!"

Hello my luvs, how are you all today? I'm having a good days, better than most days I've had in the past two months, with a lot more energy I've had in quite awhile. Thank you all so much for your prayers, I wouldn't have come out of the dark pit I was if it weren't for my faith that grows stronger and stronger everyday and the prayers and care of all of you my dear friends. I'm forever grateful for this.

I've finally found the strenght to put my amigurumis down for awhile (you have no idea how hard that was, those little things are soooo addictive, you just can't stop making one after another!) and take advantage of my sudden desire to paint decorative items on the walls my father and younger so kindly painted for me as a X-Mas gift and a "welcome home, hope you feel better with brand new colors on your walls" kind of present to make me feel less depressed. It was a big surprise and I was very touched by their kind action. They even found out the palette I had been wanting to use to paint my studio and the colors are just what I had in mind, including the few spots in the rooms I wanted to be plain white so I could do some art that required a plain white background. So now, after a long hiatus, I've finally mustered the courage to start a few of the many elements I'm planning on painting. I love all kind of arts and crafts, have so all of my life, but I must confess that nothing compares to the feeling of having a wet brush in my hands. It never ceases to give me that rush of adrenaline every time I lay down the first stroke. Painting always makes me feel so totally and completely alive and bursting with pure joy. And the longer I go without it, the stronger the feeling when I finally resume painting again.

You'll see on the pics above the beginning stages of the breakaway wall mural with the peeling stucco and the exposed bricks as well as part of the moss surround the frame around the door. There will be more ivy growing out of the bricks and on the door itself I want to paint an urn with a multi-layered topiary tree. I'll most likely paint moss on the baseboard as well.

As for the border, it's not finished yet, I just painted the main elements and now I need to start thing what details will go on it. I love this part, all the delicate work with the smaller flowers and leaves and all the tendrils and lacey fern.

The whole thing is being a huge challenge though. All these years of decorative painting I always kept telling myself, must not turn the piece around to make stroking easier, must leave it stationary so I can get used to it for the day I'll decide to paint a mural, since the wall sure ain't turning around. Did I ever do it? Nope, just kept procrastinating, ah, tomorrow, ah, on the next piece, ah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. Never happened. So now, I'm regretting it tremendously because I'm having one heck of a hard time stroking the sides that I would normally move the piece to make it easy. But it's getting better. Little by little.

One thing is for sure though. I spent the whole day yesterday wiping and repainting with the left over paint my dad left for me whatever element I didn't deem one hundred per cent perfect. Now, let's get real, when did you or I or anyone has ever seen an artist who thinks whatever they just painted is 100% perfect? I never did. And so I spent the a miserable day trying to achieve the impossible, wasting time with wiping and repainting when I could be actually having some fun since I haven't painted in a long time and especially not on such huuuuuge canvas! So, finally, after much swearing, tears and unnecessary meltdowns, I came to terms with the fact that most likely the only seeing the "imperfections" is me. I got proof of it, because three people saw what I considered to a piece of you know what, and they were absolutely enchanted.

And so it happens that this morning I woke up determined to start a day of joy and painting to the best of my abilities and just letting it be. That's it. I can only do the very best I can and that is it. And now I confess that I'm just feeling a sense of peace. The loud and obnoxious voice in my head that keeps shouting "take this off, it's awful, do it again, till is perfect" is finally quiet and I am having a blast ever since. Just fun, fun and more fun. And the best thing is, I have lots more canvases (walls) to paint, more than I've ever had at once and painting this big gives such a sense of freedom and pure unadulterated joy!

The whole studio is going to be decorated with all sorts with different elements, palettes and styles. I'm not going for a cohesive and harmonious theme. What I want is for the walls to be a showcase of all kinds of things my future students (hopefully I'll have many soon) can find inspiration to paint on their surfaces in our regular decorative painting classes or weekend workshops and even on their own walls. I know that in the end it's going to look like a crazy house, but I don't care, I love it, everywhere I turn I get to go to a different world and for a few seconds I can be someone else in an enchanted land populated with magical creatures. I'll post pics as I progress.

I'll leave you all with many hugs and thank yous and G-d bless you all for being such wonderful friends. My thoughts, well-wishes and prayers go to every single one of you. Just know how much I care. I might not reply to your entries most of the time, but I do read and I do care very much about you all.



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